In the space of five days I passed through five airports. Seeing so many airports so fast has confirmed something I’ve suspected for some time now.
All airports share the same time and space that is not entirely part of our reality.
The tarmac fits into reality, the arrivals and departure halls are in our reality. But once you pass through security or enter the terminal via the tunnel or tarmac entrance, you are in a bubble of time and space that is its own reality.
Here is my evidence:
- All the shops look the same at every airport and carry the same brands
- You feel out of place, everyone you see looks like they’re questioning their own existence
- The constant feeling of deja vu
- The maze of corridors (this, combined with exhausted discombobulation is why you can’t be sure you’ve already been here before)
Don’t come at me with the whole “different people, different languages, different signs” nonsense. Airports aren’t in our reality, you think they’re limited by our understanding of light, language or physics?
ANYWAY.
AKL
This is the third trip I’ve taken in the last twelve months that left from Auckland. Which makes sense, because up until very recently I’ve lived in Auckland, so this airport has always been the start or end point of my travels.
Obviously this is a different experience to a layover, but still an important part of the journey.
Usually, I make my way to the airport from home by taxi, but I was staying with my parents for a few days after putting most of my worldly possessions into storage so Mum did me the favour of driving me to the airport. I don’t usually rate airport rides because I am not the favourite child – my sister always gets a ride to the airport.
I had checked in online, so just had to check in my luggage and let the staff know I was there and confirm I was on the list for assistance.
Mum was there, so instead of getting escorted through security immediately, I arranged to return to the designated spot at a set time. Mum and I went to grab dinner – Mum’s shout, so much love! – to pass some time and say goodbye.
I was back at the desk slightly ahead of schedule but they had someone ready for me so zoom! I was off!
I love this part of getting assistance at airports, no waiting in lines! I was through security and deep into the weird Airport Unreality in less than 10 minutes.
I actually had two escorts, I think one was in training. The one who wasn’t acting as my guide offered to carry my backpack after security. I always feel really awkward in that situation because like… I am capable of carrying my own backpack. But she insisted and it seemed less awkward to just give in than fight.
Either Auckland Airport has been recently renovated or there some glitch in the Unreality, because the gate lounge felt much more flash than I remember it being.
Honestly, I don’t have a lot to say about AKL. It went smoothly, it always does. I suppose when nothing goes wrong, there’s just not a lot to say. Unless, of course the experience is exceptional like it is with the London Underground.
DXB
Dubai is a seventeen hour flight from Auckland. I think somewhere past the twelve hour mark, I start to really understand that time is a made up concept open to interpretation.
Dubai Airport is both better and worse than Singapore Airport. My layover was around two hours, so I only got a brief taste of their assistance jail.
How they’re worse than Singapore
On arrival, they seemed disorganised. There was no one waiting for in the tunnel when I got off the plane, and in fact one of the flight attendants had to run into the airport to fetch an airport employee.
Once in the care of the airport employee things did go smoothly. Here I had a chance to apply the lesson I learnt in Singapore and advocate for myself.
I needed a charging cord for my phone because for some reason I just assumed the plane would have USB-C charging ports. Instead of just stressing and trying desperately to conserve my phone battery – down to 20% by the time I realised I couldn’t charge it – I asked my guide to take me past a store where I could buy a cable.
And you know what? It wasn’t a problem. She didn’t even blink.
So, high on the success of that request, I asked for a bathroom break as well.
How Dubai beats Singapore
The assistance jail at Dubai is so much nicer than Singapore. It’s big and open. It has a bathroom attached. There’s room to walk around a bit. It even has food available. It felt a lot less like a jail than Singapore – although I still don’t think they would have let me leave.
I was only in the lounge for about 40 minutes so I didn’t need to try out the food, but it looked like standard airport convenience fare.
Getting to the next plane was smooth sailing.
Rating
Overall I’d rate Dubai 3/5 for organisation and 4/5 for comfort – a couch I could have stretched out on would have netted them an extra star.
LHR
Another seven hours of outrunning gravity and I was London. The Heathrow team seemed to have a similar problem as Dubai when it comes to getting their ducks lined up, there was no one waiting at the door for me after all the other passengers had disembarked. By the time someone arrived, the flight crew were already starting to get the plane ready for the next flight. When the airport employee finally arrived, they were sent to the wrong door. So I got shuffled down the plane…where they were closing the door. So back to the original door! Poor guy had really got his workout in, running back and forth.
At Heathrow, it seems the default is to use a wheelchair to escort all passengers needing assistance. I don’t like this. I can walk, and after spending roughly 24 of the last 27 hours unable to properly stretch my legs, I really wanted to walk. But I was also a barely functioning zombie. Advocating for myself at this point was just too much. So I gave in and dealt with my weird feelings of guilt for using a wheelchair when I didn’t really need one.
On the bright side, the wheelchair section of the journey didn’t last long. I would think of it fondly on the next leg.
Turns out four chairs strapped together with a battery is a much more uncomfortable – especially if you’re in the front seat. It’s worse than the cart! The seatbelt did not feel adequate. This is another example of why blind people don’t need theme parks.
But I didn’t die so I guess it’s a valid form of transport.
I was left by the chair train in a very bland corner of the airport for a couple of minutes. My heartbeat had barely recovered from the adrenaline rush when someone new came to take me through the next leg. She took me through customs and baggage claim. Once sorted on that front, she handed me over to the London Underground people – who I love!
Rating
In the end, LHR got me safely from airport to tube, even if it took 4 people. I give them 2.5/5 for overall experience – there’s a lot of room for improvement. They lost half a point compared to DXB because they played hot potato with me.
STN
I had a three day break from airports, which I really enjoyed. I should not have as much to stay about Stansted as I do, but my flight being delayed by two hours gave STN plenty of opportunities to prove themselves.
The assistance desk is near the lift that goes down to the train platform. I’m sure its well sign posted – there were certainly enough people requesting assistance. I was escorted from train platform to assistance desk. I had arrived too early to check in so they sat me down and told me to wait. About 10 minutes after my flight opened for in person check in, I was taken to the desk and then back again to the assistance desk to wait to be taken to my gate – about 40 minutes.
I got through security and to my gate with plenty of time. My escort was very friendly and helpful. I took the opportunity to once again practice self-advocacy and asked if we could stop so I could fill up my water bottle. I was left at the gate lounge and assured someone would collect me to take me onto the plane when the time came. I was taken to the lounge along with a buddy in the assistance boat. We didn’t share a language but it was nice not to be the only one.
Up to this point, everything had gone smoothly. Stansted is not a fancy place, but they were effective and efficient and up to this point I had felt no anxiety.
AND THEN
Ahhhh…Ryanair. I can’t remember if I’ve taken a Ryanair flight before, but I can say this was a very typical experience from what I’ve heard. The flight was delayed 30 minutes, then an hour, then two. At some point the gate was changed. When I realised that (I was checking for delays on the Ryanair app) the nerves really kicked in. Although STN had given me no reason to doubt at this point, and by then there were four of us who needed assistance, I have a deep seated fear that I will miss my flight because I’ve been forgotten. I’m sure it’s tied to my discomfort about the independence I give up when I ask for assistance. I did find some airport staff to check with that we hadn’t been forgotten and was assured someone would come collect us and take us to the new gate.
I needn’t have worried, a couple of minutes later someone did indeed come to collect us.
As I was once again being led through the Unreality, I made friends!
In the group of assistance-needers there was a blind woman (M) and her husband (V). After we got to the new gate, we had ages to get to know each other. They live in Lisbon for part of the year so were able to give me great tips about what to do and see in the city. M has relatively recently lost her vision, so I was able to give her some tips on making her life more accessible. We had a great chat!
When the plane was eventually ready to board, our little posse was let on first, as is standard.
Rating
I give STN 4.5/5. They’re a no frills operation but, anxiety aside, I was never even close to being forgotten or missing my flight.
LIS
Three-ish hours later and we touched ground in sunny Lisbon. The plane did not get to park next to the terminal, so the rest of the passengers had to get a bus across the tarmac. Amongst those of us who needed assistance, there were those who can’t use stairs so we had to wait for the lift truck thingy. It took aaaaaaaages.
It was super windy when I stepped outside and I promptly lost my hat – not the airport’s fault, but still sad. Only for a minute though, because V noticed my hat lying on the tarmac underneath the plane and got someone to collect it for me. Yay V for saving my hat! Everyone got loaded up and off we went to the terminal.
There the group split up. It’s hard to assess how organised LIS was at this point, because I know V did a lot of verification on my behalf and made sure I was taken care of before he and M split from the group – it was all in Portuguese so I didn’t totally know what the conversation was about. In the end, my original assistance buddy from STN and I shared an escort through customs and baggage collection (I didn’t have checked luggage, but my buddy did). I got escorted a bit further than my buddy, as she was claimed by family when we got to the arrivals hall. The assistance escort could only take me as far as the lift down to the metro. From there I was on my own.
Rating
I give LIS 3.5/5, they get an extra 0.5 because of the hat but lose a couple of points because I think V had to do a lot of double checking and clearing up confusion on my behalf to make sure I made it to the metro.
I don’t like airports very much
I will see at least two more airports this year, but I’m going to avoid them while I’m on continental Europe and stick to trains and buses. I’m a little afraid if I spend too much time in the Airport Unreality, I’ll lose some of my own realness. Also, airports are exhausting and they all suck, even if the staff are great.
